Sunday, March 15, 2009

I miss my old house so much. It means everything to me when it comes to inanimate objects. I'd have none of my current problems if my grandmother never sold it. So many memories. It was the first and only house my grandmother and grandfather ever lived in together. My mom and her brothers grew up there. It's always been my only true home since I was born. It was basically in the middle of the woods, so I'd always walk around and admire the calmness of it. It was the feeling of complete disconnect from the busy street and life that otherwise surrounded me. It was perfect.

...there was going to be more to this post, but I've got to run and grab some black thread from Eric.
to be continued?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

first post

have you ever been so close to someone for so long that you knew everything about them?
the way they moved, just the way they were
and then all of a more
you never speak, never even see them at all
and you totally forget everything about them
their person is completely foreign to you
and how sad that is

...all i've ever done was try and be a good person. i hate that i question if that's true or not sometimes. maybe i'm a completely selfish person, who has no regard for anyone else disguised as a nice, caring person. maybe i'm fooling myself and everyone around me. who knows what's true or not. i have no explanation for certain things that happen to me and those around me. people who try so hard to be good and are threatened with violence or complete indifference, in my case, for doing what they think is right for everyone. there really is no use in trying to make sense of these things. it's just that i find myself deeply saddened or completely outraged, blood boiling upset about them. some people i want to scream at and tell them to get mad for once, tell me what you're really thinking. others, i want to kick the shit out of, if i had the physical capacity, and say "hey no one really likes you, you know. fear is not friendship".

i've always felt that my life and the people i loves lives were going to be different from everyone else. that something big would happen and change everything. i hope it happens...soon.